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i made a thingHow inconsistent is the state of the human race. We move in circles, transient presences in each other's lives, interweaving and separating at the drop of a hat. We meet someone, share a memory, maybe share a cigarette, share a bed. We temporarily open the window to our lives, sharing ourselves for a fleeting period of time, mingling our lives together for mere moments before we break and disperse into separate paths. People will flit in and out like ghosts, imprinting an often meaningless mark on another person's consciousness. How strange is this occurrence - we observe and peruse each other's insides for whatever amount of time, whether it be months, years, days or even moments, and then sever the bonds never to revisit again. Something will happen, or apathy and indifference will consume and slowly hammer away at our bridges. How trite, how utterly unremarkable is the state of human interaction, in the grand continuum of our lives?
July 13th, 10:44 P.M.In what seems like a past life, I stood upon a precipice. From this perilous point I could see a bridge, leading to, presumably, safety. The bridge was a mighty thing to behold: it was built upon sturdy foundations and was composed of the strongest materials. I gazed long and hard at this path, even walked a fair distance on it. But my mind sought freedom and i decided to leap off the side instead, into the endless abyss. The darkness rushed to meet me as I hurtled downwards. The air screamed past my ears as I was falling, falling, falling.
Now, 3 months have passed and I no longer know if I am still falling or if I have hit the bottom. My mind and body have lost all solidarity and I cannot tell if I am in the darkness, or if the darkness is within me.
(unfinished, think it needs more editing. constructive criticism wanted)
June 3rd, 2013, 11:43 PMDear Diary.
I fear that I’ve fallen into a trap. A deep-seated belief that I need another by my side in order to feel completely comfortable with myself.
Long have I sat in this prison of insecurity, but is it I who holds the key to escape? Long has the well of my confidence been dry, but have I simply forgotten to replenish it? And long have I hid behind these walls of stone, waiting for anyone to come tear them down, but can’t I just as easily release myself from their confines?
I am a constant contradiction: I seek companionship, but fail to venture past the boundaries of my own mind. Constantly I am stuck in this persistent self-involved loop…my only offerings to conversations are often statements about my perceived shortcomings and insecurities. But why continue this hopeless pity party? Why broadcast that which I cannot reconcile with myself. I long to feel confident in myself and appreciated for who I am; to live on my own terms and not everyone else’s.
April 11th, 2013, 12:26 AMApril 11th, 2013, 12:26 AM
I’ve been relatively calm. Calmer than I should be. Except when the ever-present knot in my gut twists and brings an onslaught of tears. I prefer not to think about you, or the trail of destruction I left in my wake. I plunged a dagger through your heart, but scathed mine with it first. You were caught relatively unaware, seemingly oblivious to the way I had grown cold…and lifeless, like a corpse. You, in your reverie of us trekking the hills of life together, hand in hand. But my conscience was poking its anxious head over the horizon, ready to swallow up our world in darkness. The things I need, I don’t want; the person I needed, I threw away. With a chameleon heart, how could I have expected otherwise? In my soul, there is a space where you sat, and in your heart, I left a swirling black hole. I’m sorry, I’m gone, I’m sorry, I’m gone…I’m gone, I’m sorry… I’m gone, I’m so sorry
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More